The moonboy invaded the scene in the tail months of 2017. As their diversified shitcoin portfolio continued to skyrocket, they placed their Aventador pre-orders and headed to the closest meetup to discuss what kind of rims they would coordinate with their fellow moonboys. Through the great crypto bear of 2018, this breed has gone all but extinct.
At The Event: In their prime, the moonboys would quickly conglomerate to discuss when price of Bitcoin would hit $50k, when Ethereum would hit $20k, and what color underglow they would have “this time next year.”
The Venture Capitalist
The venture capitalist is likely the one sporting a crisp California tan under the bullshit-detection goggles they wear whenever dealing with large event settings.
At The Event: The venture capitalist has a line of blockchain projects gathered around them like they are the Godfather and it’s the day of their daughter’s wedding.
The Fund Manager
When the calls for coin advice from their freshman roommate and that cousin they only see at Thanksgiving became too frequent, the fund manager decided to offer family and friends “the chance to earn the same 10x profits I enjoy.”
At The Event: The fund manager passively seeks LP’s to join their fund. The minimum buy in is $250 and don’t ask about the last 6 months return.
The Early Adopter (a.k.a The Whale)
The early adopter is a sadomasochist forced to suffer through the hype of the event bandwagon. They facepalm whenever they hear their people talking about how much Litecoin they bought on their new Coinbase account.
At The Event: The early adopter is only there to talk to 2 or 3 other people from their secret Telegram channel. Much liked a Cuvier’s Beaked whale lurking thousands of feet below the surface, the early adopter often goes completely unnoticed.
The Service Provider
The service provider doesn’t care if the price goes up, down, or sideways - they will be laughing all the way to the bank. Will the SEC approve a crypto ETF? Yes. When? Who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
At The Event: The service provider will be the one yelling “get your pickaxes and shovels here!”
The Bitcoin maximalist
The Bitcoin maximalist knows that like Highlander - “there can be only one!” They have no time for your discussions on scalability or Turing proofs – their only concern is when Bitcoin will become the world’s reserve currency.
At The Event: The Bitcoin maximalist will be laughing as the moonboys discuss their Doge returns while talking about how the Lighting network is going to make everything else obsolete.
The TA trader
The TA trader is convinced that after breakout on the next Fibonacci resistance, the volume will drive the Ichimoku cloud.
At The Event: The TA trader is already outside of their comfort zone so far away from the 12 screen DIY trading station in their basement. Still, they have no problem explaining that they can accurately predict the turn of the market using stochastic oscillators and Bollinger bands.
The ICO founder
The ICO founder has just barely recovered from the news that they couldn't give a short 2 hour explanation at the conference about how their project is going to change the world as we know it.
At The Event: They will be the ones in line vying for a chance to speak to the people wearing a unicorn mask.
The ♦ Blockchain ♦ DLT ♦ Crypto ♦ EXPERT
The Expert, like the ICO founder, is also recovering from the fact that they are not onstage. You have probably never heard of them “despite their global reach and influence.”
At The Event: They are in a futile quest to wade through the moonboys in search of a Whale to add them to that secret Telegram group.
You can tell the Host from their gracious smile carefully masking the overwhelming terror of the caterer forgetting the sternos, the sound system cutting short and everything going up like the Hindenburg. Remember they worked really hard *cough cough* cut them some slack.
At The Event: They will be the ones asking the opening question: “So, what do you think of the event?”